Modern Slavery at Waitrose

So yesterday morning, Sunday 22nd December, i thought i’d go out for a ride on my scooter — weather being nice and everything.

So off i went to Sidmouth, as it’s quite a fun ride from Exmouth going the back lane way over Peak Hill.

I planned on getting there just after 10am so i could pop into Waitrose and grab a free coffee before it all got busy.   Alas, it was not to be.   I had forgotten about all the mindless, senseless, automaton, baby jesus freaks running around in their mad, last minute, buying frenzies because they’d forgotten the fucking stuffing mix and aunty Jane would starve to death if they didn’t get out and buy some at 10am on Sunday morning.

It was so busy Waitrose had even draughted in the boy scouts to guide people to empty parking spaces as they became available, and also the air cadets to collect all the trolleys as all the mad people threw them madly into the air in their mad dashes to be away from the madding, fucking crowd — i kid you fucking not!!!

By the time i’d got through the crazy busy store, having bought some nice things i can’t buy at Tesco in Exmouth, i proceeded to queue for the free coffee at the machine.   Yes folks, a queue had formed at 10.30am in Waitrose.   And it was a queue of 5 people, plus me, and more people then queued behind me.

Normally i wouldn’t bother waiting in such a queue, but i’d rode 12.5 miles on my scooter in the middle of winter — albeit a nice day — to get to Sidmouth; and, if you ask me — which no one did — i was the one in that fucking queue that deserved that free fucking coffee the most.

Needless to say, the coffee machine was not having a happy morning.   When anyone finally made it to the front of the queue they proceeded to apologise to those in the queue behind them about the coffee machine taking ages to make their coffee: “It’s never usually like this.” they said.

And the thought occurred to me:

In the internet of things, and intelligent devices, i wonder, should coffee machines get a tea break?

It struck me that at baby jesus time when everyone is all good will and shit and over eating and seriously hating the whole fucking experience but they go along with it any way because that’s what they’re supposed to do — init — that no one cared about this poor little coffee machine being so utterly abused by the hoi polloi and all and sundry of Sidmouth as they all lose their collective fucking minds and binge shop for baby fucking jesus like it’s the last fucking birthday he’ll ever fucking have.

So yeah, spare a thought for all your intelligent machines, and even the retarded ones, at this time of year.   Buy them a present and make sure they get a fucking break from your family’s incessant, mindless demands.

And yes, i do consider the Waitrose coffee machine to be intelligent.   It can make a fairly decent fucking coffee from whole beans, grinds them all by itself and everything and shit — that’s pretty fucking intelligent compared to a dog.   I don’t see dogs making a fresh ground cup of coffee and plenty of people claim they’re intelligent and if you abused one like you abuse intelligent machines then you’d be arrested good and proper.

So why is it ok to enslave, torture and abuse an intelligent machine in this way — at christmas for fucks sake — but it’s not ok to upset someone’s doggie?

So yeah, give the coffee machines a tea break — and stay the fuck out of Waitrose when i’m visiting Sidmouth.


#5t4n5 #waitrose #ai #coffee

Custard Coffee

Do you like custard?



Do you like coffee?



Well you’ll love this:

Custard Coffee.

Into a big mug that holds at least 350ml place…

20ml     Lavazza Prontissimo Espresso or your favourite instant coffee
15ml     Billingtons Demerara or some other good raw cane demerara sugar (be aware that some shops sell Demerara sugar that’s made from beet sugar: check the package for raw cane label)
70ml     Alpro Vanilla Soya cold from the fridge

…stir well then add…

250ml     boiling filtered or spring water.

If you use standard mains water it’s not gonna taste as good.   Seriously people, stop drinking mains water and using it in cooking, it isn’t healthy and tastes shite.

…stir well again and enjoy.

It’s a rather strange taste at first because one isn’t really used to having ones coffee taste of vanilla custard, but once you get through that first mug it becomes a very enjoyable way to enjoy coffee.

#5t4n5 #coffee

Arrrgh!!! — and a Coffee Recipe

Too many websites, not enough life.

Too much everything and not enough life.

Still, i discovered the most delicious coffee today…

Get a 400ml+ mug, we’re having coffee so no pissy little thimble things: this ain’t France!!!
17.5ml Lavazza Prontissimo Intenso
12.5ml Dr Oetker cocoa
10ml Demerara sugar
Pour on refrigerated and shaken 100g Alpro original cashew juice
Pour on 260g Boiling water
Stir really well and enjoy.

Hint…   Buy a proper set of stainless steel teaspoon measures.   1tsp = 5ml   &   1/2tsp = 2.5ml

Guestimating with various sized, common garden teaspoons will never lead to anything tasting consistent and if it isn’t consistent then it won’t taste as nice as it should, because all human brains are hardwired to like consistency: the more consistent something we normally consume is the more our brains register that it is safe to consume.   This is why people clamour for those corporate clone coffee shops so much, it’s not that their coffee is actually better than anyone elses, it’s because it’s always made exactly the same in every shop, it’s the consistency of taste, temperature, and even how it’s served.

Remember, it’s consistency and how often you consume the consistent that makes things taste nice: mcfilth — and other crappy junk food pushers — have been exploiting this hardwiring towards consistency for decades.   You can use the same hard wiring to make good things taste better for yourself in your own home: weigh and measure things with accurate measuring utensils.


#5t4n5 #coffee

Cafe Culture

I wrote the following article a few years ago for another website which no longer exists.   But i still like it so i’m republishing it here…

So once again Starbucks are in the news…

‘Starbucks agrees to pay more corporation tax’.

What perplexes me is why so many people get their knickers in a twist about this and think that complaining about Starbucks’ tax avoidance is something to get all uppity about.

Let’s put it simply…   No one, other than a complete fool, pays taxes that they do not have to pay by law.

You show me one of these anti-corporate-tax-avoidance-protest-moaners who pays tax that they are not legally required to pay by law and you’ll show me a utter fool.   So why do they think that they have a moral right to start bitching and whining about others who do not pay tax that they are not legally required to pay by law?

Everyone does tax avoidance.   Tax avoidance is simply not paying taxes that the law does not require you to pay.   People who run their own businesses put every receipt (loss) that they are allowed to by law through their accounts to lower their tax requirements for the year, this is no different to any other business putting any receipt (loss) that they are allowed to by law through their accounts to lower their tax requirements for the year.

Yes, ok, one could argue about the level to which this is done by these huge multi-national corporations, but that isn’t the fault of the corporations, it’s the fault of the political classes who allow these loop holes in the tax laws to exist purely so that their own personal corporate investments can bring them bigger returns, and also to please their corporate masters who fund their election campaigns.   It’s not the corporations you should be complaining about, it’s the political classes who have their snouts in the corporate trough that are the problem.   And none of this is ever going to change while we have an unelected oligarchy/plutocracy/corporatocracy/ecclesiocracy, like the House of Lords (whose only purpose is to ensure that new legislation looks after corporate interests for the rich, wealthy and powerful), overseeing new legislation — but that’s another topic for another day.

What i want to rant about in this post is what is really annoying me about this Starbucks thing.   Yes, what annoys me more than politicos with their snouts in the trough, and the corporatocratic take over of the House of Lords, is that people are only boycotting Starbucks because of this tax thing; and they simply take their business elsewhere to other corporate clone outlets like Costa and Cafe Nero.   Like they think that makes them a bit more morally superior.   Well it doesn’t!

Every town that i’ve ever visited, and i’ve visited a lot of towns in my time, has a treasure trove of independent cafes and coffee shops that are small independent businesses that are fully part of their communities and only exist within their own communities.   So why is there even a discussion about Starbucks, et al, in the first place?

Next time you want a cuppa when you’re out and about, don’t got to a corporate clone outlet and look like a total fucking loser who thinks they’re in with the in crowd.   You’re not in with the in crowd, you’re just a stupid fucking herd animal that can’t think for yourself.   Instead, start frequenting your local, independent coffee shops and cafes, and get to know the owners and the staff and have a nice chat with nice people who are civilised and sociable and a real part of their communities.   There would be no corporate tax avoidance going on by these corporate clone coffee shops if everyone just used small independent coffee shops instead.   And you might even find that you will get a far nicer cup of coffee.

A good local cafe is run by local people for local people.   I’ve found many a local cafe/coffee shop with a notice board and leaflet shelves overflowing with local events, clubs, etc.. I’ve been in quite a few cafes that also serve as art galleries displaying local artists’ work for sale all over the walls.   And you can find good local cafes like this in every town if you just take a few moments to look around — and they’re not ripping millions out of the UK economy for their overseas, corporate masters’ profit margins.

So, have a good long think about where you’re going to buy your next cuppa when you’re and about next.   And remember, every penny you spend in life is a vote on how you want your world to be.   I’d like mine to be nice and local and lovely, but you can make your own choice.   Just don’t cry to me about Starbucks, i don’t care what Starbucks are doing with their profits because i don’t give them any.

Nuff said…


#5t4n5 #coffee